Wednesday, December 24, 2008

To avoid fainting, keep repeating: "It's only a dream..."


My brother Ross and I were at the pauper's cemetery to visit the grave of our cousin Dave, who died when he was 4 months old. For some reason, the grave marker was only about 4 square inches and the writing was in a language unknown to man. There we met up with our downstairs neighbors the Jonas Brothers and their father, who were also visiting Dave's grave. On the ride home in their limo, Kevin Jonas and I discussed our respective home studios, and I was apalled that he had no idea what any of the equipment was called, nor did he know how to use it. Despite being suspicious of his musical integrity, I still made plans to jam out with him soon.

That night I was at a dinner party being held by Laurie Carlson, a childhood schoolmate who beat me out in the race for Clash tickets in 11th grade. For some reason I was wearing a 3 piece suit and a fraternity pledge pin. Laurie and I hit it off quite well, despite the fact that I was ridiculed by everyone at the party for proclaiming that James Hetfield of Metallica was totally washed up. Laurie came on to me, and we ended up sleeping together, but when I woke up I was in final period of my last day in Brockton High School. When the bell rang and I left the classroom, the school led out onto Newbury Street in Boston.

Suddenly, I was completely naked and wandering the Berkeley School of Music campus looking for my dead father, who was my ride home. When I finally met him, my nude body became covered with soap suds. I told my Dad to wait while I went back into the school to shower off. When I came out, my 3 piece suit was back on, but it was causing me to bob and float above the ground like a Macy's Day Parade balloon. My Dad tried to float as well, saying anyone could do it, but he failed miserably. As I flew higher and higher my father and everything else got smaller and smaller.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Naked, soap suds, Jonas Brothers.

You are the midnight NAMBLA!!!!

666

Phil Neglected said...

Firstly, TURBONEGRO rules!!!! They are so badass that Knut has beaten cancer itself. Long live Euroboy!

Regarding NAMBLA, however, you are off base as I am definitely not attracted to young BOYS. I think my confrontation with the Jonas' symbolizes my well known delusions of musical grandeur, and the naked (i.e. exposed) wandering on the Berkeley Music campus represents a deflating of that delusion.

Then again, we're all probably full of shit and it means nada.

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